Kill that Negative Feedback Loop

“Oh my God, my skirt doesn’t fit. I’m so fat.”

“I really ruined that presentation, no wonder I didn’t get that promotion.”

“I snapped at my kids again. I might as well write the therapy check now.”

Why, why, why are we our own worst internal critics? Is it truly God’s intention for us to walk around all day, admonishing ourselves for missing the mark?

In short, no. We are perfectly imperfect beings, designed by the master himself. How intuitive is his creation? By the time we end up asking for forgiveness, God’s already provided for it. He knows before we do, essentially. 

I’m focusing on this more now, as I get older and the image in the mirror changes. Witticisms that used to come so quickly seem just out of reach. A walk that used to take no energy at all takes a few more deep breaths. Growing in age forces wisdom in so many ways, but killing the critic in your own head might be at the top of the list. Here are some ways I conquer.

1. Focus on what you CAN do.

I do this with every body issue that pops into the old brain. Whenever a negative thought occurs, I flip the script–focusing on what my body can do vs. what it looks like in the natural world. Perfect example, I brought a child into this world. Boom, top that evil critic. I can garden like a pro (or weed like one). I lift weights, I can do push-ups. I even have been known to rock out the pilates once a week. Once you focus on what you can do it shifts you away from a judgment mode. Life, my friends, is so much easier this way.

2. Find one good thing.

You know the saying, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. I offer a twist on this classic, say something nice. Anything. If you bombed the presentation, but you looked amazing in your new red dress, then go with that. Focus on what is, and find one good thing to say about it.

3. Ignore how you feel, show gratitude. 

A pastor said this a few weeks ago and it really stuck with me. The point is emotions are meant to keep us alive, to keep us from harm. They aren’t meant to generate our moods at every given moment. Nothing is as bad enough for you to forget how blessed you are in this world. The car you’re annoyed needs an oil change? A blessing; it’s how you get to work. Your boss wants to talk about what needs improvement in your latest report? That job allows you to take a vacation once a year, a break your boss personally approved. Your beloved mother is sick? She’s beloved, what a blessing to have such a cheerleader on your side. It’s amazing how quickly you go from annoyed to literally on your knees with gratitude. We have a lot of first-world problems, acknowledge them. 

There you go, a few quick ways we can kill that feedback loop and start living for our purpose. It’s the small things that get to us, and it’s also those moments that truly matter. Make each one count.